The Tryout
by Dorkylokifan
Summary: Pure Crack and Smut! Odin goes to Jotunnheim and begs Laufey to "borrow" Loki in order to help Thor with a personal problem. Those of you with a medical exam kink might like this. M/M Explicit.


Odin smiled as he sat down with Laufey in the conference room. It immediately made Laufey suspicious. The fat man never smiled. Which meant the Allfather wanted something. Something he needed. Laufey smiled back. Odin looked like a child, sitting on Jotunn furniture and his feet dangled in the air. He'd never seen the Allfather look so undignified.

"So Allfather, what can I do for you?" Laufey asked.

"I'm here to speak with you about your son Loki." Odin said, and then he cleared his throat. Was this fat little man fidgeting?

"Loki? What do you want with my youngest son?"

"I have heard that he is a runt, about Aesir height. Is that correct?"

"Yes." Laufey said, quirking an eyebrow.

"I am looking to…that is…possibly arrange a marriage…between our children…if he fits the criteria…that is." Odin said.

"A marriage alliance! You surprise me Allfather. Our realms have not been on friendly terms in over five millennia. Why now do you seek out a relationship with us?"

"It is as I said, Thor needs a bride that meets certain criteria." Odin said.

"And what, pray tell, is this criteria?" Laufey asked. Odin pulled a handkerchief from his pocket to dab his sweaty brow. Here, in one of the coldest rooms, in the coldest realm of the nine the fat man was sweating.

"Well, as you know, my bloodline is not pure Aesir. Like it or not you and I are actually distant cousins. I have Jotunn blood in my veins, as does my son Thor." Odin began. He paused clearing his throat for the next portion. To Laufey's delight, Odin was blushing.

"Go on."

"Though it is not evident in me, that I have Jotunn heritage, some of those traits skipped my generation, but showed up in Thor." Odin said.

"And which traits would those be?"

"The ones affecting his genitalia." Odin said.

"I see." Laufey said, as he processed the information. He looked at Odin, specifically his size and thought about the logistics of mating one so small. "Am I to understand that no Aesir woman can accommodate his size?" Laufey asked.

"Yes. You'd be correct."

"And so you want to see if a Jotunn could actually handle him?"

"Yes."

"Very well. I will agree to this marriage arrangement since I find it will be mutually beneficial to both of our children and to our realms. Do we have an accord?" Laufey asked.

"Not quite. You see, I need assurances that Thor and Loki will be able to mate successfully. Please understand this is for Loki's safety, but also to ensure happiness for everyone all around. I know that marriages are usually consummated after a wedding ceremony, but…in this case, it must be done before." Odin said.

Laufey leaned back in his chair and contemplated Odin's offer. Of course he was going to say yes, but he didn't want to seem too eager. But he also had to speak with his son, and getting Loki to agree to his madness might not be so easy.

"I will speak with Loki on the matter, and send you our answer." Laufey said.

XxXxXxXxXx

A knock came at Loki's chamber door.

"Enter." Loki said. His father stepped in and Loki looked up at him puzzled. His father was always so busy he usually only saw him at supper, unless he needed to discuss official state business.

"Father? Dare I to dream that this is a social call born purely out of your desire to spend time with me?" Loki asked.

"If you wish your dream to be dashed then yes." Laufey answered.

"What is it now? Please tell me you aren't going to try to betroth me to the dwarves again."

"No. I still have nightmares from that incident." Laufey said. "But I am here regarding a different marriage proposal." He said. Loki huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Where am I to be shipped off to this time? Muspelheim?"

"Loki, my son, my precious spoiled brat. How would you like to be the future Queen of Asgard?"

Loki laughed out loud, rolling mirthful belly laughs. The idea was preposterous. He wiped away a tear from his eye and returned his gaze to his father. Laufey was still looking at him, with a calm expectant expression.

"You're serious?"

"There's a catch." Laufey said.

"Isn't there always." Loki answered.

XxXxXxXxXx

Loki grinned when he stepped onto the platform of the gatehouse. It was nighttime in Asgard and his arrival came with absolutely zero fanfare.

"Keeping things clandestine I see." Loki said to Heimdall.

"The royal family values their privacy and ask that you respect that during your time here. Should things go well tonight, you'll be given the proper reception you are due." Heimdall said. Loki rolled his eyes.

"Yes, wouldn't want to advertise that your prince and I touched tips before the wedding." Loki said. He climbed up into the silver glider with the soldier piloting the craft and they took off towards the palace. Even at night, the golden city still shone with elegance and power. Loki liked all that he surveyed. The deal was too good to be true, and he didn't want to trust it. With few viable options marriage options of his own, this one seemed just too convenient.

When he reached the palace, Loki was escorted to the healer's wing. Thor, Frigga, and Odin were all there waiting for him.

"Hello!" Frigga said, being overly cheerful. She shook Loki's hand like he was an answer to all of her prayers. She smiled too broadly and stood too close. Loki forced himself to smile back.

"Frigga darling, don't crowd the boy. We should leave these two love birds alone to ah….um…get to know one another." Odin said. They left in a hurry, practically slamming the door behind them. But they weren't alone.

Loki turned to look at his intended. And by the Norns, what a specimen Thor was. They were roughly the same height, but Thor was twice as wide at the shoulders, and that face! Loki had to compose himself from giving away too much.

"Hello." Thor said.

"Hello." Loki offered up a coy smile.

"Thank you, for coming. I've had so much trouble and my father said that you'd be able to accommodate me."

"That remains to be seen my prince." Lady Eir said. There were at least six healers present in the room.

"So tell me about yourself." Loki said.

"Well, I'm Thor. Odinson. God of Thunder."

"You don't say." Loki drawled. "Riveting. Perhaps we should just get down to the issue at hand. Take me to your chambers."

"Actually Loki, we are going to attempt to mate here, with the healers monitoring you to make sure I'm not hurting you." Thor said. Loki's mouth popped open and he blinked.

"Thor, I think it's time you tell me the exact nature of your problem." Loki said, folding his arms.

"My cock, it swells."

"Yes. That's normal. What's the problem?"

"It might be normal among the Jotunn, but it is not among my people. Aesir wombs were not designed to handle something so large. Every woman I have ever rutted has nearly died of injuries I inflicted."

"Ah. Show me." Loki said. Thor looked at him, dumbstruck and unsure of what he heard.

"Show you what?"

"Show me the flowers in your garden, the sausage in your kitchen, the royal jewels. Whip your dick out."

"Oh." Thor said, his face flushed red.

"You Aesir are very prudish. You do realize that we would have to become nude to mate at some point, yes?"

"When you nearly kill a maiden by spearing her with your dick, get back to me. It's not like I enjoy performing in front of others." Thor said, feeling his blood pressure rise.

"That's a shame. I love to watch and to be watched. I like orgies too." Loki said. Thor's eyebrows nearly hit his hairline.

"You've been penetrated by full sized Jotunns? Do Jotunns place no value on a maiden's virtue?"

"Thor, I'm too small to be mated by one of my own kind. I've always played the male, never the female because of my teeny tiny pussy. Nevertheless, you don't see me blushing about the topic. It is what it is. Now show me what you've got there that is the cause of so much trouble."

"So you are a maiden then?"

"No, I'm a frost giant."

"No, what I mean is, that I'll be taking your virtue from you this night."

"My virtue?" Loki laughed. "Are you a sweet man. And you're stalling." Loki said. Thor frowned, having been caught. He unlaced his trousers and pulled it out. His testicles and scrotum were massive by Aesir standards but to Loki they were proportional and average. It was the same with the shaft, which was mostly peach in the color. The tip was a lovely dusty rose. To Aesir females, Thor's meat looked large and long and fun to ride in its flaccid state. The problem came when the knot formed. For Loki, it was perfect.

"I think you and I will fit like a key into a lock."

"Really?" Thor asked, looking ever hopeful.

"Aye."

"Well, um, should we…" Thor looked over to the soul forge, which had been retrofitted with stirrups. It was so clinical.

"My princes, when the two of you are ready, we'll begin the monitoring." Lady Eir said, as her helpers all stood by.

"Delightful." Loki said. Loki reached down to the hem of his tunic and pulled it up over his head, casting it aside. He felt Thor's eyes on him then, assessing.

"Like what you see?" Loki asked.

"Yes." Thor said, his voice course. Indeed, he did like what he saw, much to his surprise. Thor did not think he'd find the blue skin or red eyes alluring at all, but Loki was a gorgeous exotic creature. He was long and lean. He possessed no feminine curves whatsoever, and that pleased Thor too. Thor did not like to advertise his ergi desires to the kingdom. The fact that he found men and women equally appealing would be considered scandalous to the people of Asgard.

Thor finished removing his pants and the two princes stood naked before one another as the healers looked on.

"If you'd climb onto the table please." Thor said.

"No. Kiss me." Loki said. Thor still looked shy and it became clear that he was uncomfortable with the healers watching them. "Focus on me. They aren't even here." Loki said.

"I will try." Thor said. He closed the gap between them and pressed their lips together. It was sweet and timid. Loki was having none of it. He thrust his tongue into the thunderer's mouth and took control. His arms wound around Thor's neck and he pressed their fronts together.

In the back of Loki's mind, a childhood memory jumped to the fore. One where his dam told the story about how his older brothers had touched pee-pees in the bathroom and had been so proud of themselves. They'd been toddlers at the time.

Loki ground his hips against Thor's so they could touch pee-pees too. Thor gasped into the kiss, and Loki felt the limp shaft grow hard against his. Thor cupped Loki's buttocks and squeezed. His hands were large and strong and provided just a small taste of what this man was capable of. He couldn't wait to feel the full power of Thor between his legs. They continued kissing and touching until Loki felt Thor's cock poking him insistently in his belly.

"There now. I think we are ready." Loki said. He grabbed Thor's hand and held it, guiding him to the table. Loki climbed up and put his legs in the stirrups, displaying to Thor and the others in the room what Loki had to offer.

Thor looked confused. Loki didn't have a vagina. He had what appeared to be…well…two assholes.

"Is something wrong?" Loki asked.

"No. Sorry. I was lost in thought." Thor grabbed his cock to align it with the hole closest to Loki's cock and pressed in.

"AHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Loki yelled.

"Um, is that the wrong hole?"

"Yes Thor. It's the wrong hole. Honestly, how could you get that wrong?"

"Because you don't have a vagina!" Thor growled, feeling embarrassed.

"Of course I do! It's the second hole! Quit trying to fuck me in the ass."

"But the second hole is where your asshole should be!"

"Gentleman, calm yourselves. Obviously this is a misunderstanding about your differing anatomies. Thor, what questions have you for Prince Loki about Jotunn genitalia?"

"Why does your vagina have a sphincter?"

"To hold in your seed of course. It ensures a successful mating. Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, of course."

"Does your cock self-lubricate?" Loki asked.

"Self-Lubricate?"

"Yes, does the skin of your shaft secret serum?"

"Yes, I think so. My friends all talk about how they need lotion when they take themselves in hand, but I've always found my cock to be rather slippery."

"Thank the Norns for that. That slick substance your cock is making is integral to my pleasure. I need it to climax. You might have noticed that the maidens you hurt never complained of pain during, only after."

"Yes! While we mated they were fine. They all seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves, but when I pulled out, they bled and I had to call for help."

"And everyone thought you were mistreating them." Loki said.

"Yes." Thor's voice cracked. Loki looked at the healers. He now understood why Odin felt it necessary that they be present.

"What is the plan if you find that Thor is hurting me, during?"

"We have a shot to give him to deflate his penis, should it grow to a dangerous size."

"Ah. Any other questions?" Loki asked Thor. Thor shook his head.

"Alright, proceed." Loki said. Thor grabbed his shaft and gave it a few quick strokes. This time placing it at the second hole, he pressed in.

"Mmm." Loki closed his eyes and bit his lip. He had a goofy smile on his face as Thor's cock slipped inside.

"It's good?"

"Very. Now show me what that thunder dick can do." Loki said. Thor hips bucked at the command. Above them the soul forge whirled to life and a silhouette of their joined forms appeared. It was like an x-ray, focused on their lower parts. Loki could see Thor's cock inside of his body and how it was stretching him. He found it oddly erotic and could not look away. Every thrust was being captured and Loki's toes curled from the visual stimuli.

Thor moaned. The Aesir women had tight passages the entire length, but Loki was loose inside. The sphincter squeezed his cock as he thrust in and out. It did things to him that no Aesir women had ever made him feel. They all watched the footage together of Thor's swelling cock. His hips rolled and pistoned with the ever increasing pleasure.

It was now that Loki detected that there might be a problem. Thor's cock did not just form a knot at the base. The entire length of his cock knotted. The entire thing was swelling and rock hard, and Oh Norns! It felt amazing.

"Yes! Oh! Oh look at it! It's so good!" Loki cried out. "That's it Thunderer! Fill me! Fill me!" Everyone watched as the integrity of Loki's womb remained intact, stretching to accommodate Thor's massive girth in a way that the Aesir could not.

"Harder! Harder! FUCK ME!" Loki growled. His nails scratched down Thor's back, leaving blood trails. Thor let loose, giving him everything he had. He'd held back for so long now. He needed to know Loki could let him fuck how he liked to fuck and survive it.

Thunder clapped outside, and Thor roared. His body stilled and everyone looked up to see Loki's womb flooding with seed. Loki grabbed him and pulled him down for a hungry kiss. They made out while they waited for Thor's cock to deflate. A process that lasted a good 20 minutes.

"I want to know everything about you." Thor said, pressing kisses to Loki's cheeks and neck. "I'm going to make you so happy Loki."

"We shall see Thunderer. My turn."

"What?"

"Well you're not the only one in this relationship with a cock. I enjoy penetrative sex just as much as you do. It's my turn."

"But I don't have a vagina!"

"Actually, Thor I suspect you do. Look up. You see that canal there. That's not an artery, or an intestine. That's your womb."

"No. My parents would have told me." Thor said.

"They probably didn't know. The second sphincter, as you like to call it would not have been visible to the naked eye until puberty. You're deflated now. Pull out and we'll switch positions. I'll show you."

"But Loki, I don't feel comfortable…I mean, people will think…"

"What?"

"It is not acceptable for a man to be penetrated in my society. They are called ergi, and are mocked."

"I have a cock. Will they mock me?" Loki asked.

"It's not the same. You're a different species."

"So are you technically. You're not a pure blood Aesir."

"It is not politically expedient to remind the populace of that."

"I see. Well, it could have been a grand marriage. Pity."

"Wait! I'll…I'll do it." Thor said.

"Thought you'd see things my way." Loki said. Thor pulled out of Loki, pausing to look at his hole which had only the smallest errant string of sticky seed showing. It pleased him on a primal level to know that Loki was filled and holding on to all of it. Loki got down and patted the table.

"I even warmed it for you." Loki grinned. Thor got into position as the healers looked on. If they were thinking unkind thoughts, they didn't voice them. In fact, some of the healers looked very curious, taking notes for posterity. With Thor's legs spread wide, Loki could see the dual holes. He'd been right. Thor had a womb. He brushed his thumb over the anus, rubbing it.

"This is your anus. You feel it's location?"

"Yes." Thor said. Loki moved further down to rub at the other. Thor's eyebrows went up at the unexpected discovery.

"You feel that?"

"Yes." Thor's breath hitched. Loki pressed an exploratory finger inside and Thor gasped.

"Oh!"

"Is that a good oh or a bad one?"

"It's good." Thor croaked. Loki swirled his finger inside, lightly stroking all the little pleasure nodes. It riled Thor up in no time.

"Loki…I…" He hesitated. He did not want to beg for a cock up his ass in front of witnesses.

"Yes darling. Tell me what you need. I want to make you feel good Thor."

"I need more!"

"Of course." Loki added another finger and scissored Thor's opening.

"Ah!" Thor's eyes squeezed shut and he gripped the sides of the table. Loki was loving this. Thor was falling apart with minimal effort. He couldn't wait to hear the Thunder God scream his name and beg to be pounded.

"Please Loki!" Thor said. He added a third finger, continuing his slow maddening strokes. Thor broke out in a sweat.

"Fuck me please!" Thor said. Loki chuckled.

"As you wish." Loki said. He pushed in, watching his progress on the visual above. Thor's eyes rolled into the back of his head as his body became awash in pleasures he'd never known before. Loki started slow, teasing, making gentle marked strides. He built up the tempo, dragging out both their climaxes.

"Harder." Thor whispered.

"What?"

"Harder."

"You want what harder?'

"Your cock! Fuck me with that big beautiful cock Loki!"

"Mmm, so eager." Loki pounded him, finally. Giving them both what they needed. The knot formed at the base of Loki's shaft and he spilled into Thor and stilled. Thor pulled Loki down for a needy kiss as hot come filled him up inside. It was a strange sensation, to feel this spasm, drinking in all that Loki gave him.

"I think that was a successful mating." Loki said.

XxXxXxXxXxXx

"Report." Odin said. Frigga was standing beside him, eager to hear good news.

"They are compatible your Majesties." Lady Eir said. Odin raised his fist in triumph and hugged his wife.

"Oh thank the Norns, that is a relief." Frigga said.

"Prince Loki is on his way home." Lady Eir said.

"Good, good. I'll head to Jotunnheim tomorrow to draft up the marriage contract." Odin said. "Thank Eir, you may go."

"Um, Your Majesties, there is something else."

"What is it?"

"We discovered, in the course of our monitoring, that Thor possesses a womb."

"Oh." Odin said flatly. "That's nice. Thankfully, he'll never have need of it."

"Um, I wouldn't be so sure about that." She said. A chill went up Odin's spine and he glared at the woman.

"I've been assessing the footage and I don't think Loki's ovaries are very well developed. I have serious concerns that he might not be able to conceive, but his ability to sire looks healthy."

"No. Absolutely not! Damn it all! We were so close!" Odin said.

"Um, Your Majesties."

"What?"

"Thor is already pregnant."


End file.
